Sheer Deer Torture

The hills span for miles with old oak woods, thick and unexplored.  The country road into Stroudsburg is heavy with locals as the school day ends, the work day ends, and people are making that last stop to the grocery store before the holiday. The GPS flags my next step–turn left in point one miles. We do, and the terrain transforms into a dark, foresty incline. We go on for what seems like eternity.  Every turn in the road presents an opportunity for disaster with very narrow pavement, hairpin curves and frequent over-confidant motorists. 

Deer to the left.  Deer to the right.  Another up ahead.  Three over there.  We can’t go more than 20 or so miles an hour, deer are stepping out of the dusk everywhere.  This area must be a hunting paradise.  My heart is racing with excitement and wonder as we continue to meander up the mountainside.

Suddenly there stands the cabin in the woods. 

Stately oak trees, naked with their leaves littered across the Glacial rock forest floor surround the cabin and fill the hillside. Pristine solitude, crisp blanket of fresh air, and a warm rustic dwelling to curl up into. 

Three deer run across the driveway, less than 20 yards from my bumper.  I’m frozen in anticipation with autopilot hunt mode kicking in.  Then David bursts out the door to greet me, and the deer slip into the shadows of the hills.  Lynn is right behind. I hear a faint gobble….there are turkey here too? 

OMG.  This is heaven.

The next morning we take the dogs for a walk, just past sunrise “around the neighborhood”.  Oh, look, there trotted off four deer, white butts standing proud.  There are many cabins in the woods, all tucked away and barely visible from the road, or from each other.  The community is designed that way.  Oh, look at those two deer standing next to the deck of that house.  This is a gated community, regularly patrolled. The speed limits are inforced so take care.  And look, over there, a doe and two yearlings in the driveway of that house.  There are horse stables, tennis courts, pool, a ski hill with tow rope and chalet, and oh, of course there is absolutely no hunting allowed.  Look at that buck standing on the edge of the pavement, looking at us.

OMG.  Shoot me now.

We arrive back to the cabin in the woods, drop the dogs, and head to the neighbors for Thanksgiving meal.  I brought pumpkin pie and Minnesota wine.  Lynn and David brought pumpkin custard.  Oh, by the way, it’s made with tofu, as they are vegetarians, and currently practicing a very restricted diet.  Oh.  This will be an interesting meal. As we make our way up to the neighbors driveway there stand two deer at the bottom of their stairway to the door.

Surrounded by deer I can’t hunt, heading to a Thanksgiving dinner of rabbit food and tofu.

OMG.

OMG.

Inside, to my relief and surprise, I quickly discover Lynn and David are the minority of our group.  Our hosts are retired, famous gourmet chefs and they are, indeed, meat eaters. Robert was the Chef on the Concord on Prince Charles and Princess Diana’s honeymoon flight.  Back in the day, he served John Lennon his famous Peanut Butter and Sardine Omelets in his West Village Manhattan Restaurant, David’s Potbelly.  And now there is the most amazing Turkey Day spread I’ve ever seen waiting to be enjoyed. During our meal, Robert mentioned he could get me on a 300 acre private spread to hunt some deer.

Ya know, I’m ok with a little Tofu once in a while.  That custard wasn’t half bad. 

Stuffed to the gills, that night I dreamed of chasing Bucks and Does in the Poconos Mountains.  Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!