Archives for November 2016

As the years end approaches, a force much greater than I continues to hold me to a new adventure. One I haven’t wanted to hear.

One I haven’t wanted to believe.

One I haven’t wanted to participate in.

I have my own ideas, my own plans.

But,

Apparently I’ve been usurped.

Ohhh my plan was amazing. It started with re-connecting and indulging in a passion of mine that has been left dormant for over 20 years.  I wanted to step back into that joy—even if only as a part time experience—to prove to myself that I could still do it, and do something that I loved to do.  What a perfect set up—to combine part of my time focused on my business (my main passion) with the resurrection of unused skills from a lifetime ago.

Sadly, after a very short time of stepping back into it…..BAM!

Without warning, for no apparent reason, straight out of the blue, my whole plan came crashing down around me. Without my input or consent, my amazing plan was “re-written” for me.  Now, I did not go down without a fight mind you!  I tried to hang in there….act as if I was okay…..I would push and push to keep going each day, and try, try try to convince myself it wasn’t happening.  But eventually resistance was futile.

And now, here I am, finally sharing my unwanted adventure after months of being on it.

Yes, apparently I’m to embark on a new adventure, struggling with hip, low back and upper back and neck pain that has brought me to my knees and forced me to stop doing pretty much everything I live for. No hunting.  No travel.  No dancing.  No working out.  No flitting about town. No nothing.

Instead of living my life with joy and passion, I’ve spent months held hostage by massive physical pain, and all of the debilitating symptoms that go with it. How can this be happening? After all, I’m only 23 (wink wink)!  This can’t be happening to me!

You’d never know it to look at me.

There is no blood, no cuts or bruises, no missing limbs or casts or anything to give you the idea something’s wrong. At first glance I appear to look just fine.

Unless you look into my eyes, to see the tension, the tiredness, the exhaustion, the sadness of not being able to get up and go the way I get up and go. Or watch me try to do just about anything.

“What’s your pain level?”

On a scale of 1 – 10, I’d give it a strong 11.5 most of the time.

Waking up fearful and with screaming pain each morning—will I be able to get myself out of bed? Or is this the day I will have to call 911? Is my low back going to snap in half and leave me in a heap on the floor before I make it across the room?  Not being able to feel my hands most of the day.  It’s a monumental effort to sit down, stand up, bend over, and on, and on.  This pain has been draining.  It has drained me of energy.  Drained me of caring.  Drained me of “fight”.  Entirely depressing.

Then there’s the slew of Doctor and Chiropractor visits, alternative medicine, meditation, the X-rays and MRI’s and finally, physical therapy at Courage Kenny. The thing about being stricken with pain issues in multiple locations is, each can be independent, yet compounding each other, making diagnosis and treatment very difficult.   “You’ve got some narrowing of the nerve endings and arthritis….you ARE getting older you know….”  But how does that explain this sharp horrific pain? Tears, spasms, inflammation, degeneration. No, no, no I can’t accept this!  I’m 23, remember?  Every time I move I could scream!  So physical therapy seemed pretty useless.  And being so drained, it’s hard to have the wear-with-all to accurately or specifically describe exactly what you feel and where to the right person at the right time to get results. Keep trying, until you just can’t anymore.  I definitely reached that point of “I. Just. Can’t. Any. More.”

Thank goodness for June, Randy, Susie, Joy and Paula, Caring friends who stepped up as my advocates when I could not. How easily I could have just gave up and melted into the world of everlasting chronic pain without them.  But no, they heard me.  They saw me.  They knew this suffocating pain was not me, and held me up, guiding me to push for better answers from the Doctors when I was so overwhelmed with pain I couldn’t think straight.  Between them, and the amazing Physical Therapists at Courage Kenny, I finally had the strength to question my situation further to get to the bottom of what’s wrong.

After one more MRI and an Orthopedic Surgeon visit, it was determined I needed a hip injection.  A simple procedure of injecting a dose of steroids with a mile long needle stuck into my right hip.  Sounds awful, but hey, I suppose as long as you don’t LOOK at it being done….

I secured the first available appointment-thankfully only a couple days later. On Friday November 4^th I was in and out with my steroid filled right hip in about an hour.

Feeling groovy.

Feeling like brand new—except for the residual fuzzy nova Cain buzzing in my right leg.

For the next week I was pretty much entirely PAIN free!

Everywhere!

I mean, EVERYWHERE!

Hey—I’m 23 again!

Who knew one simple hip injection would cure ALL of my woes! No more burning pain in my neck and shoulders.  I could feel my hands and arms.  No more stabbing pain in my low back.  My hip felt GREAT!  I could walk without limping.  No more holding pressure on my groin to take a step without screaming pain. Physical therapy seemed helpful!  What a miracle!  I started working on my plan again, with renewed energy and enthusiasm.

The removal of pain after being completely pummeled with it for months can cause a person to not think completely rationally….

I tried to revisit my plan to get back to pursuing my long lost passion that next week; you know, just ease back in slowly.  In all my excitement and naivety I thought I could just jump back in, only to be strongly advised to wait until the injection had a chance to reach its full effect.  Wait to ensure the results are long lasting.  Just slow down and give this some time.  Just 10 days.

Okay, fine. I’ll wait.

This adventure has forced me to address a great personal challenge. Waiting.  When it comes to living, and celebrating life with passion and intention, the idea of holding back is completely foreign to me.  To have to re-access my plan yet again, and agree to just “hold off” for a while? Wait 10 days, and work on rebuilding my core to support a better head to toe structure?

UGH!

Waiting was agonizing. I continued to feel great for the next 6 days.  Physical therapy seemed to have a point now.  But then, slowly, little haunting twangs of discomfort started to re-appear.  Working in the kitchen making a meal occasionally became uncomfortable.  More than 10 minutes on the computer…uncomfortable.  Admittedly, dancing around the backyard bonfire hula-hooping wasn’t the smartest thing to do just days after–but it was only for a couple minutes.   After 10 days I was feeling no pain but, it was clear that as time went on, there were more tiny signs of discomfort in my low back, upper back and neck.

Then that damn universe stepped in again with a big black magic marker, messing up my draft of a great winter plan. While my hip is still doing great, slowly, pain is returning to my low back, upper back and neck. I have increasing muscle spasms, growing numbness in my arms and hands, and I’m trying so very hard not to let it bring me down yet again.

Being the person that I am, I will not go down without a fight. But I also better understand the need to listen to all of the signs being presented.   First and foremost, I need to rebuild my core and not engage in anything to deter that effort.  Clearly I need to take baby steps in fixing my “foundation” to better support my structure and reduce the opportunity for pain to take over.

So am I able to pursue my passion? Nope, not right now.  I’ve received numerous inquiries about my business plans, as well.  My ETA to return to my normal life is unknown at this time.  My calendar is blank.  I got no plan.  Apparently I’m on an adventure of personal health and wellness.  An adventure of waiting and seeing.  An adventure focused on re-cooperating.

Apparently I’m on an adventure of not having a plan, other than taking care of me. And  I’m finally starting to be okay with that—sort of.  Wow, imagine that!

 

Thank you for reading my post. Was it inspiring?  Scary?  Funny?  Unbelievable? Just plain weird?  I’d love to hear your thoughts!  All comments are greatly appreciated.  Life is an adventure—good or bad, and it begins today!  There are lots of inspirational stories under my blog category, “PRs Amazing Outdoor Adventure Update”.  If you like what you see, please let me know by “liking” my website. You can even join my tribe to automatically receive new postings ‘hot off the press’.  There’s a place to do that right on my home page.  As always, please feel free to share with others who may find meaning and value in exploring limitless possibilities with PR Brady AdVentures. Thanks again!