Moving On

Ever since I began my road trip back in November, people I meet along the way have been curious as to why I made the decision to drastically change my life path and take such a risky journey.  Why would I chuck the security of a great job to hit the highway and boldly go out and “be all that I can be” across the country.

Well, reading my blog category header ‘WHAT IF?’ under “Bucket of Limitless Possibilities” explains my decision for sure. 

And now, I’ve been given even more affirmation and reason.

“He wasn’t kind to you” is what my best friend says every time I go down the path of regret and torch carrying.

“You deserve so much better” is what most everyone else I know says to try and make me feel less discarded and alone.

Everyone is one hundred percent right.  I do deserve to find someone to love who will love me back.

And yet,

After spending a decade trying to make an impossible relationship work, I have spent the last decade trying to find peace in walking away from it.  It’s not like I don’t receive support from my circle of friends when I have one of those “days”.  Days when I miss the past, miss the life we shared along with all of the ups and downs, and just plain miss the man. But let go and move on?  Hard to do when the heart just won’t let go.  Hard to do when there are so many reminders everywhere.  Sadly I couldn’t even do it when I married someone else.

Starting over is hard to do when virtually everything you know is wrapped up in that one person who is supposed to be the one.  Who professed he was the one.  Letting go is hard to imagine when there still lingers that one sliver of hope he planted to possibly reconcile someday.  Giving up is hard to do when everything about my life revolves around the perfect story about a dynamic outdoors couple living the dream, happily ever after. 

Last night I learned the love of my life has passed away quite unexpectedly while on vacation.

Well.  I guess I can move on now.