Friendship And Letting Go

She had been through some tough times, indeed.  Tough enough that it was apparent she didn’t have the “fight” left in her, to get back on top of it all on her own.  Her life was a mess, her house a mess, her kids (all adult), taking advantage.  She was at the point of turning a blind eye to it all and just looking for the fastest way out.  This dear woman, so fun and accepting and loving and kind, deserved better.

Then she suddenly announced she was moving to Florida with a man she barely knew.  How many of us have dreamed of a quick escape from all of our troubles?  A fresh start? In a blink of an eye, she left us all.  Her family, her friends, her job, her equity and home.

Months later, we get in touch and she is describing all of the things they are purchasing for their fresh start.  Things that she has sitting in the home she abandoned.  She sounds lonely.  She has not been doing any of the activities she did at home.  As we talk, I convince her it would be wise to come home and go through her equity before the foreclosure is complete, and bring as much back to Florida as she can rather than go buy new.  Despite her new “friend” is not supportive of her leaving, she agrees and books a flight home.

During her time back home, she spends much of it taking care of her new grandbaby, talking or texting to her “friend” about what she is doing at that moment, and some time going through her belongings and packing things up for a Pod move.  He allowed her two weeks.  She needed about a month.  The rest is history.

So, there were a few things that I followed up with for her after she went back to Florida.  Running into her kids when I would go to the house was uncomfortable to say the least.  They voiced their concern about their mom leaving with “that man”.  There were no good things said about him.  She, on the other hand, had made it clear they left because of the kids bad behavior toward him.  I tried to remain neutral.  While none of her friends ever had the chance to meet him, she did say he didn’t like kids, animals, or people in general. We all had a hard time understanding what the attraction was. 

Not everything made it into the Pod.  I ended up bringing a short list of her things with me on my road trip adventure, with the intent to deliver them to her and then spend some time together.   As we got closer to that time, she became more uneasy about meeting, more vague, and seemingly more under her friends control.  When a free thinking persons communication suddenly shifts to “well John doesn’t think I should…”, and “well john wouldn’t want me to do that” and  “well I’ll ask John…”  

My heart would ache!  I am holding back from screaming out;  “Girlfriend!!  Heck with John!  What do YOU want?  What do YOU think?  Is this man your jailor?”  Instead, I say, “you know if you ever want to come home you have a place to stay with me.”

Clearly there is trouble in paradise.  Although they have just purchased a home on some acreage, I am not welcome on their property.  Apparently no one is. The hurt I am feeling pales in comparison to the fear I am feeling for her.   I listen carefully to her words, her phrases, and her rationales. She no longer has an opinion, every sentence starts with his name.  She is over her head.  She is basically suggesting we should meet on a highway rest stop somewhere for her to pick up her belongings. How ludicrous.  I brought product to color her hair again.  Do that in the rest stop?  Oh please.  There is so much she is not telling me.  I cannot take this personal.  I could easily get sucked in further as a concerned friend. Instead, I stand my ground.  Regardless of what may or may not be going on with her life, I deserved better treatment from a friend.   I have driven several thousand miles to see her.  Since I am not allowed to her home, she can drive 60 miles to my campsite to see me and get her stuff.   I cannot take this personal, it’s not about me.  It’s about a situation she has allowed herself to get into. 

When she came to my campsite she seemed nervous. She didn’t look good.  We went up to the Campsite office for a quick lunch and she relaxed a little—started talking about the property they bought.  I am the only one who has the address and phone number. Geeze does that put me in danger?  I’ll delete it pronto! Maybe she is happy? Maybe this is what she wants?  I find it hard to believe, and want to reach out, push her so I can get to the bottom of what’s really going on and help. 

But instead, with a heavy heart as we said our goodbyes, I simply let her go.

Good luck, my friend.