Buddy – A Series Of Adventures –Seven Days

Monday. It’s been 6 days and 23 hours since Buddy left us. In just one hour, it will be a week that I have been without him.  A week without the heartache, worry, helplessness, fear and sadness of watching my best friend slip away in my arms.  A week without his big brown eyes giving me that loving, trusting gaze.  A week of being completely lost.

Here we are, the girls and I, quietly sitting in the gazebo where he passed. They seem to know not to get too close to the spot where he took his last breaths.  They seem to know why I’m down here on the ground in that spot.  I’m not sure I know what I’m doing here on the ground.  But I’ll just sit here, and think about all of the crazy, funny, exciting, testing, awkward, rewarding, and loving memories I have of my special boy. I am grateful that he is finally in a place that is pain free.  A place where he can run and swim and chase birds and be happy.

Now it’s just us three. I’ve spent all the energy I could muster up trying to act somewhat normal the past 5 ½ days.  But I still couldn’t help but sit here in this gazebo, questioning everything I know every day.  I couldn’t help but sleep with his toys and blankets pulled around me on the futon every night.  I couldn’t help but drift away from conversations, and stare into space and wonder who the hell I am without him–over and over.   But now it’s just us three here, I don’t have to pretend with Angel and Sunny Girl. They seem to share this dreadful sense of loss.  Hello raw grieving.

“They say” our deceased loved ones want us to go on. Right now, I can’t imagine going on.  How can I? He’s taken such a big piece of me with him.  My joy, my passion, my sense of purpose.   So we sit here, in this gazebo, listening to the waves of Leech Lake crash to shore, the wind blow, and Solitudes Algonquin Suite playing in his memory.

“They say” that the hearing is the last thing to go. I take comfort in knowing the last sounds he heard was me telling him “I love you, sweet boy” with the soft sounds of nature in the background.

Seven days.

It’s 3:30 pm. I’ve made it seven days.

Buddy Boy McBrady

Gone Forever Bird Hunting as of Monday, Sept 1^st 2014 at 3:30

“Find us some good fields up there, boy, and I will see you again soon.”

You can read all about my boy… there are lots of stories under “Buddy – A Series of Adventures” in my blog category, “Words From The Wild”. Please feel free to share with others who may find meaning and value in our journey together.