A New Routine

Routine.

As creatures of habit, we sure seem to become accustomed to our routines. What we do when we awake in the morning, what we do when we come home from work at night.  How we spend our time each day, on the weekends, and right down to what brands of things we buy.  When our routine becomes disrupted, everything can get thrown off kilter.  Even if it’s something as simple as “they don’t have my brand of chips on the shelf!”

But that’s the simple stuff, right?

The sudden absence of someone you spend the majority of your time around, regardless of the circumstances, can be super traumatic. From job changes or living relocations, to break-ups, to passing’s, it’s just never easy to experience that hole in the routine.  And that doesn’t only apply to humans.  It runs just as deep with our pets.

For me, it’s about that sense of purpose, family, caring for, sharing with, and togetherness—to have that so completely disrupted…is devastating. When I lost my Sunny Girl I lost a huge piece of my heart. It tossed me into a spiral of suffering.  I lost my ability to ground and center for weeks.  The hardest part; separating out the emotional from the rational, the self-absorption from the true soul self.

How I miss my sweet Sunny Girl! How awkward it is to be without her.  The absence of her is so fresh, I still call her to come in the house, or come have dinners with Angel and Coco.  Her name is still on my lips.  Her face in my mind.  Her sweetness in my heart.

And I’m not alone.  Her sister feels the void too, wanders around the spaces we are in, searching for her ‘other half’.  They were inseparable for over 16 years. There’s nothing I can do to ease Angels grief as she gently barks out calls to her sister to come sit with her awhile.

Once we crawl out from our self-centered, suffering perspective, there is an upside.

There is no death, there is only liberation. Sunny Girl is now free of pain and has ascended to the most divine eternity of all that is perfect and good.

I know her pure heart and goodness is hovering, lingering, overseeing–she is still here with us, I can feel her. A soft brush across the back of my ankles, a sudden feeling of closeness next to my neck as I rest in bed.  If it’s true that the soul stays in the Earths vibration for 17 days after parting with the body, she stayed with me.  I was driven to honor my girl the best way I knew how.  I gave Sunny Girl the last loving thing I could do for her.  With the help of Snatam Kaur’s beautiful recording, I committed to chanting Akal for her for 17 days.

My heartfelt gesture–a protection prayer as she transitioned away from this life. I take comfort knowing she’s now a beautiful white light of true goodness—a deathless eternal essence. Until we meet again.

“From Thee I come and to Thee I go.”

But it hasn’t been enough.

To ease my own selfish suffering, and begin healing, I changed my Yoga asana as well. My morning practice now starts and ends with a very specific intention, and mantra.  This mantra has helped me, and can be beneficial for any type of loss.

‘With gratitude to my higher power, the divine Spirit within and beyond, and with humility, I ask for strength and support as I walk this path toward healing. May I find within myself more empathy, compassion and love because of this experience of loss and grief. I honor this time of transition as enlightening. As sacred. Guide me to trust the process of healing.’

‘I bow my head with deep gratitude for my life, may I never take it for granted. I know it is truly blessed, and despite my shortcomings, know it will continue to be. As I surrender my heart and open up to love again despite this loss, may I remain open to the truths revealed to me, and find peace, serenity and wholeness beyond my grief.’

Routine is hard to let go of. The comfortable order of things is hard to let go of. The familiarity and comfort of that same precious face looking up with adoration and trust is hard to let go of. Angel, Coco and I continue to test and try our new routine. A delicate, sensitive, routine that requires cooperation from all of us. As the new year unfolds and we travel and experience places outside of home, we know there is a huge void that will never be completely replaced. Still, we try to move forward with a new routine.

Love you to the moon and back, my sweet, Sunny Girl. You will always be my brightest sunshine. Happy New Year, baby girl!

Thank you for reading my post. What are you most passionate about? What makes your soul sing? I’d love to hear about it!  All comments are greatly appreciated.  For me, it’s any time I can be immersed in nature.  My connection is strong to the outdoors, mother earth, and animals.  You can get up close and personal through my observations and experiences in my “Words From The Wild” blog category.  If you like what you see, please let me know by “liking” my website. You can even join my tribe to automatically receive new postings ‘hot off the press’.  As always, please feel free to share my information with others who may find meaning and value in the outdoors from this outdoorswoman’s perspective, and PR Brady AdVentures. Thanks again!